You know those mornings when you’ve totally got your shit together? Those mornings when you’ve made your kids breakfast, packed lunch boxes, showered, coffee’d, checked your email and picked out your work clothes (in your head) all between 6 and 7am? Yeah. The amount of productivity that can happen in that hour is fucking astounding.
And then you find yourself flying through the rest of your morning routine – the tooth brushing, hair fussing, back pack prep, because, well, YOU DA (wo)MAN. You can manage the shit out of your household, your kids and yourself. You even wake up 8 minutes earlier than necessary so you can see your husband before his ass crack of dawn departure.
You also remember to check your calendar for the week and book a babysitter to pick up your kids on Thursday because just this one time you can’t. And it’s only Tuesday! Way to plan in advance!
Things are running like clockwork. Your kids put their breakfast dishes in the sink and their lunches in their backpacks. You totally think its weird that there is a ziplock freezer bag filled with boys underwear and a pair of swim goggles just chilling on the arm of the couch, but it’s cool. Homework folders are all set to go and kids are suited up like snowmen.
You’re 90% sure you’ve got your keys, phone, and wallet. You definitely have your purse and laptop. You’re on top of the world because you’re Supermom. You’ve got this. Who the hell says you can’t have it all? This. Is. Cake.
You get outside and walk half a block to school when you realize its 5 degrees outside and your adorable, extraordinarily well-trained children ARE NOT FUCKING WEARING HATS OR GLOVES AND THEIR LITTLE FINGERS AND FACES ARE GOING TO TURN BLACK AS NIGHT AND FALL OFF. And then, instead of turning around and going back home to get the necessary accessories, you choose to keep on trucking. You yell at them about THEIR negligence the rest of the way to kindergarten and 2nd grade, because they need to start taking care of themselves sometime.
By the time you arrive at school, you are all freezing and crying and apologizing to one another. You group hug for a full five minutes before you let them head into early bird. You notice it’s 7:45am, 5 minutes later than it should be to make your 9:00meeting.
You also notice you ain’t got shit.
And that you’re 10lbs fatter than you were yesterday. (Or 10 years ago.)
And that you need a Starbucks skinny chai latte like nobody’s bidness.