I spent much of December and January focused on Jillian Michaels’ 30 Day Shred. And, I completed that shit in the required 30 days.

I know, right?! I am Ironman, blah, blah, blah. But, I had no game plan. No follow up tools. No idea what to do next. So, like any good working mom with regard to exercise, I floundered. I let my workouts take a backseat. I basked in the luxury of my newly shredded self and ignored the maintenance factor.  I took two weeks off.   And then, all of a sudden…

I was fat again.

Just kidding. (Not really.) But, my motivation to workout was certainly gone. And my motivation to eat was back with a vengeance. Damned Dairy Queen.

Here on my blog and all over Twitter, people were like, “OMG! You should totally do Couch to 5k!” and I was like, “OMG, there’s no fucking way in hell I’m going to run. At all. Ever. So back off, people.”

(Pause.)

(Clears throat.)

So, err…I’m on week 5, day 3 of the 9 week program known as Couch to 5k. Evidently, I do well with structure.  Just fucking around on the elliptical at the gym for 45 minutes a couple times a week wasn’t doing it for me.  Yes, I gave into the social pressure.  And, I downloaded a C25k app.  It works a little something like this: (Imagine a computer-generated male voice completely lacking affect or enthusiasm.)

“Run.”

“Walk.”

“You are halfway done with this workout.”

“You are approaching your last run.”

“Run.”

Crack that whip, robo-trainer.  I submit myself to you.

I’ve never run in my life. I was a dancer, for chrissakes. We don’t run. We complain. But yesterday, I ran for 20 minutes straight. I swear. 20 minutes. It was a total mind fuck.  I pushed myself to 5 minutes. Then to 10 minutes. I called myself a pussy. I focused on my jiggling ass.  I psyched myself up. I pushed myself harder. Then, I glanced at my phone and saw I had but 3 short minutes left til my cool down.

I ran for 20 God damned minutes, guys.  And it didn’t suck nearly as much as I anticipated. Seriously.

And guess what else?

This Sunday, I’m running my first 5k.  I was roped into it (even though I won’t be done with my C25k training) by Christine of Boston Mamas, Liz of Goddess in Progress, and Charlene of Metrowest Mama.  Apparently, they hate me and want to make me feel like an asshole.  In a totally super-supportive way, of course.

I’ll let you know how it goes.