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So Hip.

My birthday and my youngest son’s birthday are about a week apart. That means that his bris (the lovely, Jewish, baby penis mutilation ceremony) fell on my big 3-2. It was . . . uh . . . memorable. Especially the part about how he chose to pee at exactly the same time as he was cut, spewing blood and baby urine all over, including directly in the mohel’s (the cutter’s) face.

Yeah. Memorable, like I said.

It was also about the time that I couldn’t walk. Without limping. Without tremendous pain. Often with the assistance of a really attractive, hospital grade cane. That my older son totally dug, by the way.

Shortly after I turned 32, I was diagnosed with Third Trimester Osteoporosis of the Hip. Ever heard of it? No? (Please note that my facial expression is one of total shock and disbelief.) That’s because nobody gets this disease. Literally no one GETS it. Ok. Like a few women a year get it. With their first pregnancy. Because their estrogen didn’t get the preggers memo about the need to kick it up a notch. Because their adorable bundles of joy were happily leeching the calcium away from their left hip bone. Because being pregnant isn’t complicated e-fucking-nough.


Well, I was one of the lucky ones. With a poorly breastfeeding newborn, a rambunctious two year old, and a year’s worth of appointments with endocrinologists, orthopedic surgeons, ob/gyns, internists, rheumatologists, psychotherapists, lactation consultants, infectious disease doctors (well, just one, and not formally because she’s my doctor friend who you can read more about here and here.) and dentists (unrelated).

It was a veritable shit storm of MRI’s, x-rays, and perplexed medical professionals telling me, “so sorry, dude. There’s no information on this condition. It’ll probably go away within the next two years and it may or may not mean that you should stop breastfeeding. It also may or may not mean that physical therapy would help. Oh, and try not to fall. There’s a good chance you might fracture that shit.”

Side note: According to the few case studies that exist, 3-6 months of bed rest seem to help.

As if.

For me, this idiotic condition hung around for about 13 months. I was a stay at home mom for the first six months of it. I was a working mom for the last 7 months of it. And I was in a really. bad. mood. For all of it.

I’m feeling much better now.

Tomorrow, I turn 34. I can shred with the best of ‘em. I can climb multiple flights of stairs, quickly. I can easily race my four year old uphill (thank you, Jillian Michaels). I can carry my two year old around on either hip. I can be the Mommy Camel I was born to be (see this post on pack animal momming).

I can enjoy my birthday, pain-free, for the first time in two years.

So, bottoms up, guys! Happy birthday to me!

14 Responses to So Hip.
  1. Tiffany @ Lattes And Life
    March 9, 2010 | 11:23 pm

    Ouch, dude. I had severe pelvic pain with number three….and now have intense SI Joint pain because she was so freakin huge (I'm assuming). So I guess I sort of can relate to that. Maybe. Okay, not really but I wanted to share. And Happy Birthday girl. I knew I liked you, fellow Pisces.

  2. Kendra
    March 9, 2010 | 11:33 pm

    Happy birthday! I have some crazy joint disorder where, according to the first doctor to recognize it, I'm "double jointed everywhere." So hip pain has been an on-and-off part of my life for as long as I can remember. At its worst, it's hard to walk, stand, or sleep. But that never lasts more than a week or two. I can only imagine how awful it would be if it lasted 13 months. Or how joyous it would be when it went away. So congratulations on the birthday, on the amazing shredding, and on the healthy hip!

  3. jiji
    March 9, 2010 | 11:47 pm

    happy birthday, kami!!! you're an inspiration, not just to working moms, but for all women! so glad that everything turned out okay. here's to health, humor, and circumcision jokes. xoxo.

  4. Kami
    March 10, 2010 | 12:14 am

    Hey Tiffany, love that you too are a Pisces! Sorry to hear about your pelvic and joint pain, but glad to know I'm not the only one who suffered for the love of the children!

    Kendra, can you bend your thumb all the way to wrist? that's seriously awesome. being double-jointed rocks! Unless it hurts. And then it easy listens…so sorry!

    Jiji, you are the man. Thanks for appreciating my Jewish dick humor.

  5. Dvora
    March 10, 2010 | 12:40 am

    Happy birthday! Hope it is a great day and here's to a great year ahead! xoxo

  6. adjustmentdisorder
    March 10, 2010 | 12:48 am

    Happy Birthday! You deserve it! A few thoughts:
    - I have decided that the bris is a particularly cruel form of torture. What's worse than parading a post-partum mother in front of her entire community while her newborn son goes under the knife? At least there are bagels. And lox. (I think the first words out of my mouth after I delivered my daughter and learned she was a girl were "Thank g*d I don't have to plan a bris!" The midwife must have thought I was nuts.)

    - You are amazing for raising two kids and working outside through the home while dealing with chronic pain. Amazing.

    Hope you have a GREAT birthday!
    - Carla

  7. Abby
    March 10, 2010 | 1:05 am

    Wow, that is bizarre. Never, ever heard of that. I learn so much strange medical info from your blog! Happy Birthday!

  8. Kami
    March 10, 2010 | 1:20 am

    Thanks so much, Dvora!

    Carla, you have no idea how deflated I felt both times I was told the babies were boys. I hear they won't remember the pain…

    Abby, I'm happy to oblige! Thanks for reading!

  9. Chrysula Winegar
    March 10, 2010 | 2:56 am

    Looking FIIIIIINNNNNNNNEEEEEEE Ms Kami. Mind like a steel trap too, after all that. Impressed. C xo

  10. Theta Mom
    March 10, 2010 | 12:39 pm

    Happy Birthday girl!!! I enjoy your blog because you always find humor in even not-so-fun moments…enjoy your day mama!!!

  11. Kami
    March 10, 2010 | 1:27 pm

    Chrysula, you flatter me so. Thank you.

    Theta Mom, I love that you stop by and comment regularly. LOVE IT! (And just so you know, you've inspired me to make the move to wordpress and "real" blog status. @mommygeekology is helping me out!)

  12. Amber, The Unlikely Mama
    March 11, 2010 | 1:24 am

    Happy birthday! I'm sorry the last couple have been rough, and I really hope you're enjoying a pain free day :-)

  13. Noelle
    March 11, 2010 | 6:22 am

    Happy Birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday to kamithesuperawesomefunnyfabbloggerandgreatbloggyfriend, happy birthday to you!

    You are so freakin lucky that we only know each other through the blogosphere because if you heard me sing IRL you would so not want to be my friend.

    Hope your day was wonderful!

  14. Kami
    March 11, 2010 | 5:39 pm

    Thanks, Amber. I had a great day!

    Noelle, you are too sweet. thank you. And feel free to sing your heart out baby. I can hear the music beyond what's actually coming out of your mouth!

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