Today’s Topic: $10 and dinner needs to get on the table – What do you make?
Um. Hi. I hate to cook. Particularly for my kids. I hate making any efforts really, especially those that are sure to end up in the trash can. And cooking is such an effort. See, I have one kid who could give a crap about food (yeah, not quite sure where he came from) and another who gives a huge a crap about certain food (ok, mainly ice cream and we’re totally sure where HE came from), but is rawther uninterested in the kind of stuff I’d like to make – “like” being a very loose term here.
And please don’t ask me what it is I’d like to make. I can’t think that far ahead.
So, because I’m a feminist (read: lazy) mom, I figure these damn kids can cook for themselves. Until then, I’m happy to defrost, microwave, or simmer. Lucky for them, one night a week we prevail upon the kindness of foodiemommy who really knows how to cook it up. And on the weekends, of course, my husband’s in charge of food. He’s a real hunter/gatherer type. As you can see from his blog.
BUT.
Every once in a while, I decide to try to be wifely. (My mom, by the way, totally fucking screwed me on that this week while she was up visiting. She had the audacity to make, and by make I mean delicately cook with great love, dinner for my family that featured all the food groups, like several times. To the point at which my husband had broiled baby fucking lambchops waiting for him to munch on AS SOON AS HIS ASS ARRIVED HOME FROM WORK. Ok. Whatever. I handed him his glass of scotch faster than he could shove the tender little meat on a stick into his mouth, so I WIN. right?)
The example of $10 dinner that I’m about to share with you is not an example of me being wifely to my husband, however. It was me being wifely to foodiemommy. What? She was there. He wasn’t. Sue me!
So, here goes:
Kami’s Korean Bibimbop-ish Creation
Whatcha need:
- This is an opportunity to actually use the extra white rice from the Chinese food you had delivered last night. I count the rice as free because, well, it was paid for as part of a prior meal and thus doesn’t count. But I suppose you could go all cook-y and make your own damned rice which would cost, well, whatever rice costs. (My husband does the grocery shopping…)
- A jar of kimchi. $2.99 at any grocery store. It’s spicy pickled cabbage. Do not use the whole jar. Add to taste.
- Sesame oil. Umm…$3? But it doesn’t count ’cause you’ve already got some. Or at least you’ve got olive oil.
- A bag of fresh spinach. $2.99
- Salt and pepper which you have. Soy sauce which I hope to Christ you also have.
- An optional additions: for extra protein throw in some extra firm tofu, preferably pre-cubed to save time. Other veggies. Or frozen shrimp from BJs. (I guess you could use fresh, but…) Or an egg.
- Saute that shit. Altogether or separately, whatever floats your boat. Or fits in your wok.
- Serve in a bowl with chopsticks for added obnoxia.
- Eat it up and try to convince your kids how damned good it is. Because seriously, fried rice is the best carb out there. Am I right? Or am I right?
Best Part: It takes like 10 minutes total. And makes minimal mess. ‘Cause, I ain’t about to cook AND clean. Anyway, foodiemommy said she liked it. But, maybe she was just being nice…
You and I were separated at birth. I made a feeble attempt at cooking back when I first got married and then threw in the towel shortly afterwards. When the kids came along I thought I'd step up, being a mom and responsible for the kids nutrition and all. But no. Still don't cook. My husband got so disgusted he started cooking for the family. He grumbles throughout, but now the kids eat grilled lean meats and fish plus vegetables. I'm quite happy with this arrangement.
Hi Cindy! Yup! We got the same thing going on here! (And I too am quite happy with this arrangement!)
Awesome. Any recipe who's instructions begin with "saute that shit" is worth trying in my book.
Shaking my head. Just….shaking my head.
thanks, knoxvillepixie. At least SOMEONE appreciates me.
Tiffany, at which part? the bad mom who doesn't cook part or the fact that I posted a recipe as if I'm a "real" mom? Or is it the font? It's totally the font, right?
Love it! I sometimes make fried rice, very similar. My daughter will eat almost anything that is rice-based, so I can sneak in the tofu and the frozen mixed veggies and get some actual nutrition in there. Feels more virtuous than the hot-dogs-and-mac-&-cheese nights.
Bwa ha ha ha ha! Best post of the day! You and I could be sisters…or at least partners in wine.
For the record, I loved this dish so much that I actually made it last night! It was fabulous. I am actually not a kimchi fan, but the rice completely softened the pickled taste. This dish adds to the multiple reasons why I love my rice cooker, too. When ever I cook rice I make twice as much. I then use the leftover for simple fried rice or freeze it. When I made Kami's dish, I defrosted the frozen rice, and it was just as good. More importantly, this post just highlights that Kami rocks completely. Here is the truth, as much as I love (and sort of need) to cook, there is nothing as nice as being taken care of. So showing up to Kami's house and having her cook a meal, despite her having worked a full day, is one more proof of how fabulous she is.
Oh Kami, how I feel for your poor children. I can see it now. When they get older, you are ordering one of them to "Saute that shit" while letting the other one paint your toenails as you manage the dinner prep, and then take credit for the meal when your husband gets home. In fact, I think you are my idol
Great, great post.
I'm not a bad cook, but I do not enjoy it. While I care deeply what Alexa eats..I fear I won't be able to keep up with my ideals there once she's eating "people food". Hmmmmm, wonder what I'll ask Peter to bring home for dinner tonight
where is my damn Bi bim bop… mmmmm bop bop wifey!?!?! your loving hubby.
p.s. your mom's lamb chops kicked the stuffing out of a pour of glenfiddich from the bottle. I still love you and think you are really funny.
and really pretty.
good GAWD you make me laugh, woman! First, yes, you win for the scotch one-upsmanship. Second, your career on the Food Network was just launched with the title of your food show: "Saute That Shit". Genius, I tell you. Genius.
I <3 you!
That sounds like an awesome meal that I can cook even when I come home very tired. I hate cooking big meals just for me… let alone kids who might not want to eat what I made. Because after I cook the meal… I also have to do all the cleanup.
Holy crap. That looks great. I'm obsessed with Bibimbop. Which reminds me that I haven't had it in way too long. My favorite is at the Super 88 in Allston. But now I might have to try this!
Liz, it's only more virtuous if you add lots of the optionals. Otherwise, let's be real here. It's effing fried rice.
Kisha, thanks! I thought your post was pretty funny as well!
foodiemommy, I'm so flattered you actually made this dish. Everything I know I learned from you. And Seth. And my mom…
Sarah, I would never let my son paint my toenails. He can't yet color in the lines. Maybe when he's 10…
Amber, why do you hate it? I hate it because once it's eaten, you may as well have spent all that time and energy on nothing. I hate wasting time you know.
Seth. as long as you think I'm pretty, we're good.
The Ranting Mommy, I'm not sure that The Food Network would allow "shit" to be part of the title, but if offered the appropriate amount of money and a title that is equally funny, I'd consider the proposal. But I wouldn't cook.
Dvora, yeah, try it! it's the right amount of effort and tasty as hell. if you're into hell, that is…
Carla, hey sweetie! I'm embarrassed to say this but I have not yet been to the Super 88 even though foodiemommy looooves it. Someday…
Guess I'm lucky my mother-in-law didn't cook or do much of anything else for her kids, 'cuz my hubby has low expectations, and the kids have no choice but to eat whatever I make. I think I could actually become a fan of cooking, but I just don't have the time right now. So, here's how things look in my house, Kami, in case it's any help to you: We have Peanut Butter & Jelly night, breakfast-for-dinner night, spaghetti night, macaroni & cheese with turkey dogs night, grilled cheese sandwich night, and that only leaves a couple of nights left, which can easily be filled in with chicken nuggets, scrambled ham and eggs, or quesadillas. There ya have it! Cheers!
Okay, you want a big ass burrito, and now I want a bowl of your saute'd shit.
Beth, I love me a PB&J night.
Cheryl, funny. real funny. (no really!)
Alyssa says:
Oh this sounds SO GOOD. I'm trying it!
I love it. I either need recipes that could not possibly be more explicit (like "now set your burner to 7 and stir counterclockwise for 3 minutes") or completely fancy free, like "saute that shit." In between, and we're in trouble.
That sounds delicious. I've never had kim chee, but I might try it for that!
I just tried this with my leftover rice… ok since I am sick I did not get to the store to buy kim chee so instead used artichokes, but YUM!!!!!
Alyssa, let me know how it goes!
Kendra, you MUST try kimchee. It's a great alternative to plain old boring Chinese food. Being that it's Korean and all.
Dvora, artichokes are NOT a substitute for kimchee. But that does sound good…fell better dude. maybe chicken soup instead of fried rice. Though some some kimchee could really clear out your sinuses.
I dunno what happened. I used to like trying new recipes and hanging out with whoever I was dating that the time…while cooking. When Peter and I started dating, we ate out ALL the time because he had roommates and we couldn't cook comfortably at his place.
Then when we moved in together, he never ever helped or even hung out with me. I would rather just order food than stand along working in the kitchen.
It might be that the "playing house" stage of my life is over too. I mean, I've lived on my own for the past 10 years (off and on), having my own kitchen isn't as special as it was when I got my first apartment